Extinction of a species.. thwarted?

A recent announcement by the United Nations that the world may not be facing extinction of indigenous breeds is a surprising turn of events to areas with huge populations such as California. A report by the Hollywood Institute titled Peroxide Preservation and Diversity Report 1989/1990 reported the last known Valley Girl was found dead of starvation due to locking herself in a car. A recent find far north of the last known habitat of the Valley Girl shows that there maybe smaller pockets of the once thought extinct Valley Girl.

According to researcher John Timer, this new discovery is astonishing as it means that the genetic characteristics of the once disappeared breed may not have been lost forever. John ‘The Timler’, once interacted in their native environment in the 80’s and and warned us of the possible extinction factor. He is currently preparing for a field excursion on hopes of capture and at least an overnight study. “Oh man, I’m so getting my mullet back, I’m gonna get some hot action. Where’s my Poison cd?” Timler’s trials on the preservation of the Valley Girl can be found in his unauthorized autobiography ‘Leg Warmers in the Mist’.

Previous rumors of an ‘Eve’ type breeder on the east coast were dismissed by Timler in the mid-90’s after the plumage of a young woman was examined and found only to be a bad hair day and “Nothing else clean to wear, got something against leopard skin tights? Pervert!”
Governments around the world have been in talks about creating not a wildlife preserve, but a ‘party-life preserve’ , which would provide a more suitable breeding environment. Scientists and researchers are now poring over satellite photos to see if there are any ‘Duudes!’ to help perpetuate the species. Timler advises that he would be the most suitable candidate to supervise any breeding projects as he knows the species quite well after years of investigation.

The mating call of ‘Like Totally’ and ‘Are you all on the same team?’ may once again echo throughout shopping malls once again.

*******************************

The above was 'The Onion' inspired, after a phone call I had to make this morning from work. Tracking down a package that was sent to the wrong address. I phoned them and gave them a heads up and asked them if they could look for the package. The reply....

"Like totally, if I find it, I'll totally like call you back. Is there like a number I can like contact you at?"

Once thought extinct, the Valley Girl lives on, somehow clinging to life in the cruel cold climates of the prairies in Canada. Keep up the head bobbling Valley girl, I'll be on the phone with WWE to report the sighting.

I'm still here,
Pike

I have been quit for 3 Months, 2 Weeks, 3 Days, 1 hour, 56 minutes and 30 seconds (109 days). I have saved $575.94 by not smoking 1,199 cigarettes. I have saved 4 Days, 3 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM

Remember

My grandfather served in the Canadian Navy, somewhere I've got his memoirs, I really shoud dig those up, reread them, maybe I can fill in a lot of the gaps. Who knows maybe it could turn out to be a decent read.

He was a big strong man, over 6 feet tall, and could drive a four inch nail into a railroad tie with one hit of the hammer. And it was Lou Gerigs syndrome or ALS that took his life.

Today is November 11th, a day to remember the veterans of war, like my grandfather. I really can't imagine him on a boat, setting the primer cord for depth charges.

I do remember his humor though. It was subtle and slid past you if you weren't sharp or quick enough to catch it. No matter what happened, even after he was diagnosed, he said to me that I "would be okay". He also told me once that he almost met Elvis...

But his shovel broke.


True story.


I'm still here,
Pike

I have been quit for 3 Months, 5 Days, 13 hours, 54 minutes and 37 seconds (97 days). I have saved $515.21 by not smoking 1,170 cigarettes. I have saved 4 Days, 1 hour and 30 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM

Beware! ... The Customer....

Today...

I receive a package that has parts. No written instructions, no indication what's wrong with the parts, original packaging nowhere to be found, and only indication as to where it came from is written in black block letters ontop of painters tape which held down the lid for the box. Broken bits of styrofoam packaging (from what appears to be a set of speakers) were holding the parts in place.

How long should it take for a customer to return a part? With clear instructions, arranged pickup paperwork for shipment and return form? Should be done within a day, right?

Try 2 years.

Yep, it was about 2 years ago today I arranged for some faulty parts to be arranged to be sent to a repair depot, called in courier, faxed return forms and bill of lading to the customer. Enter a phase of calling each week and confirming if the customer had sent the part out. No replies to voicemails, written phone messages, faxes and all the other inquiries. After 4 months I made final voice mails and faxes, then closed the file as the warranty had expired 3 months previous. And I had convinced the repair depot that they should extend the warranty out longer to get it covered, they agreed as it would cost them more to do this as a billed item.) Track it down through the files, call up the sales people and then they confirm another thing for me... There was no original sale through us on these parts. It was originally sold by the 3rd party repair depot to the customer.

2 Years it took them to
- Ignore instructions clearly sent in multiple format (Voicemail, fax, e-mail)
- Send the parts to the wrong location and country
- Throw away their warranty coverage

Umpteen hours total of my time
- Fighting for customer rights
- Arranging for warranty coverage
- Arranging for courier pickup

I honestly don't know why they took that long to send, they made a huge fuss over the state of the parts in the beginning when we were first contacted. Did they loose the parts? Did all of that paperwork confuse them because they cannot read? Was there anything actually wrong with those parts to begin with? Did they have an epidemic of apathy? Did they get hit in the head and end up in a soap opera coma for 2 years?

I don't know.

I really don't want to know.

All I know is that one thing is for sure in customer service. The issues and problems are just like zombies wearing bullet proof helmets. You can shoot them, chainsaw them, explode them with dynamite, throw them down into a bottomless cavern and deal with them anyway you like... they will still get up and continue to go after your brains.

I'm still here,
Pike

P.S. Here's a meterflash, and no I did not edit the text from quitkeeper... and it took me a bit to get the final edit done on the above stuff.

I have been quit for 3 Months, 3 Days, 3 hours, 33 minutes and 33 seconds (95 days). I have
saved $502.37 by not smoking 1,046 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 15 hours and 10 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM

Day 82 - Rough Start

So, as of Monday, no more patch. The only nicotine like substance I am currently have is the dopamine my body naturally creates.

It is nice to be free of that patch, one less thing I have to remember or be dependant on, especially first thing in the morning... if you don't know by now, I am not nor will I ever be a morning person.

As far as I'm concerned
- The worm should have stayed in bed
- Waking someone up unecessarily is justifiable means for homicide
- It will only be a good morning until 11:55am upon which it will be time for lunch.

Anyways, since monday, I have noticed that my right shoulder has been aching more, lower back feels tight, and I could probably break diamonds on my shoulders. All these aches and pains are telling me something... I was medicating myself with nicotine as a painkiller, not enough to totally mask the pain, but enough for me to make it go away.

And had an argument with the wife, it was a doozy. She finally got on my case about not going to the doctor. I reminded her that she forgot what she was going to promise me she would do when I would quit smoking. She still has fears that I will get cancer, as one of our friends was diagnosed with lung cancer earlier this year. He had been smoking for twice as long as I did and twice as much per day. I will wait for her to remember, but this really and absolutely confirms a few things.

I quit smoking for myself.

Some people prefer to live in fear, and nothing I do will change their minds.

(Insert segue here)

Rest of the week went smooth, I had my review at the job, they confirmed a lot for me as to where I am and how my job is going. There was nothing but praise for my efforts, and they handed me my job description for me to update. One page description got expanded to three. And if they ask me to cut any of the stuff out... I will refer to the people who I was training that were supposed to take over my responsibilities.

At this point you are probably going, huh?

Come with me and lets examine this nutshell. Doing job, got transferred over to an assembly job, train people to do former job while in assembly (which is more of a demotion, but they needed the people) ... then get a split job between doing former job part time and assembly job part time, then back totally into former job... and more responsibilities of the same nature got thrown onto my plate as other people did not have time to do them.

So what's the problem?

My contract was not updated. I was doing my former job for about 8 months, and still on my contract and paycheque the job title of 'Assembler' was still there.

So, once I get my new job description and pay rate, I'll be making some more decisions. Stay with the current company which has larger mismanagement issues, or quit the job and find something else to go with. I don't have to worry about the lack of jobs in my current environment. In fact, I could push a broom for 3 bucks more an hour.

There has been a lot of anti-propaganda that has been subtly filtered down from higher management on this as well. As in what kind of company would you prefer to work for... as far as I'm concerned if this is the way a third year employee is treated, I'm quite sure there are better employers I could be working for.

Then again, there are days where I could imagine myself working for myself. Entrepreneurialism! My biggest fear is that anything that I would do would not sell and I'd end up further behind with loans and the like. Had I an actual financial cushion, then it would be alright.

And as for the job interviews... I am reminded of the late great Mitch Hedburg.
"Where do you imagine yourself in 5 years?"
"Celebrating the five year anniversary of you asking me that question."

And finally for this blog posting, I had my first smoking dream.

It was so vividly real, I was a passenger in a vehicle, I don't even remember who was driving or where we were going, and in my head I thought 'Fuck it.' I automatically had guilt after one puff which somehow sucked back half of the cigarette.

There was that feeling of guilt throughout the rest of the dream, making deliveries for something or other.

But upon waking up, I still had some of that guilt, and then I realized.

It was just a dream.

Is this my unconcious mind trying to work out these things for me? Replacing in my head a source of painkiller to deal with all the stresses of the week? Or am I on my way to becoming a non-smoker... instead of an ex-smoker?

Frankly, in my opinion the dream is a larger milestone than any number that my meter is recording. If I can change my unconcious desires and hungers, then I will be on my way to being nothing related to smoking, as opposed to being a non-smoker/ex-smoker. Then again, I really don't like labels, and have always been considered 'slightly weird', I can live with that, as my paycheque is not even anywhere near being 'eccentric'.

I'm still here,
Pike

I have been quit for 2 Months, 3 Weeks, 4 hours, 19 minutes and 17 seconds (82 days). I have saved $433.90 by not smoking 986 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 10 hours and 10 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/6/2007 9:20 AM.

Tomorrow will be 1000 cigarettes not smoked.

Make with the Ha Ha already!

Allrighty folks, get your bookmark

Little Becky - Prank Phone Calls.
The sweetest girl you've heard, makes prank phone calls. My favorite is Becky calling the demolition company... to blow up her school.

http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/10/15/little-irish-girl-prank-calls/
http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/11/03/more-becky-the-prank-caller/

As for work... feeling a lot better now that I don't have to do this sort of thing... anymore. Found this off of a link from Fark.com, read for the war stories, then go rent Clerks.
http://www.customerssuck.com/
http://www.customerssuck.com/strip/index.php?date=2006-04-16

And geek reading to keep me distracted from the cravings... in no particular order.
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/
NSFW? They recently had an open casting call for the voice of the main character, I recorded off a quick demo and sent it off. No word as of yet, who they cast... Not keeping my fingers crossed, but how cool would that be?

http://www.sluggy.com
Sluggy freelance has been around quite a while now, huge readership, take a week off and start from the first strip.

http://www.pvponline.com
This strip keeps improving, wish my writing style would have such an acceleration curve.

http://xkcd.com/
is sometimes obscure, other times it really is laugh out loud... then get ready to explain it to people who just don't get it.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/
For all your video gaming comic needs, definitely NSFW

http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/index.htm
For all your D20 gaming comic needs

I'm still here,
Pike

P.S. I know it's a bunch of links for the post, but I look at it this way... If I can help someone distract themselves from their cravings by getting them to read humor, the world will be a little better place, one chuckle at a time.

Meter Flash!
I have not smoked for two months, one week, four days, 13 hours, 27 minutes and 48 seconds. That's 870 cigarettes not smoked, saving $383.12, which will be spent on my geek stuff. As well, 3 days, 30 minutes of my Life saved so I can catch up on movie watching.

Short and to the point

"We're saving it for posterity."
"Someone get on the phone and call Posterity. Tell him to bring a truck so he can pick his crap up."

-Myself, on news that we were holding onto old electronics for future reference that no one will look at ever again and not disposing of them.

How to Survive a Horror Movie and How to be an effective Evil Overlord

The following is not my list at all, just culled up from the internet. I do think that one day I can do up a british style comedy/farce using the information from these lists. If I ever get the time to do one up.

The following links are for entertainment, (aka they should make you laugh, grin or smile) and if you are like me, would probably like to get some of these put onto a t-shirt.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil_Overlord_List
http://www.globalguardians.com/eviloverlordwiki.html
http://www.eviloverlord.com/
http://www.sff.net/paradise/overlord.html

Just to give you a taste of what's in store... here's how to survive a horror movie.
http://forums.timesdaily.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/7341022675/m/2551074877/r/4801005877

17. When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

16. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

15. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

14. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

13. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

11. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them, so be prepared!

10. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

9. When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

8. Do not take *anything* from the dead.

7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

6. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
5. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

4. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

2. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*

and last but not least...

1. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!

Day 54 - Transitions and changes

I stepped down from 2nd stage patches of 14 mg to the 7 mg base, and now I know what I'm going to have to expect when I get off the patches altogether.

My metabolism kicked in high again, the first couple of days its like I'm 17 years old again, eating just about every half hour. I can devour a twelve inch loaded sub with double meat thats about six inches round in just under five minutes, then look at the desserts, then look back at the other subs again. I do realize that it's just my body adjusting to the lower levels from the patch, but my wife is beginning to worry. Oh yeah, and I know there is going to be a bunch of recovering non-smokers who are going to hate me.

I haven't gained a pound. If anything, I've lost a little bit of weight.

For those who have met me in person, know that I am not in exactly pumped up fashion. There is not much there for me to loose, and when I do notice, I wonder where the hell it came off of.

Maybe it has to do with the hunger suppressants inherent in cigarettes. Doctors in the 50's used to prescribe cigarettes to women as a method of diet control. Nicotine does cause a body to emit an enzyme that tells it 'done and full, no more food, thanks'. So with the lower levels, it just feels like I'm hungrier, wanting more to devour. Maybe it has something to do with the change of season. I notice now that people around me are snacking more themselves... busy little squirrels stuffing their faces with french fries and other potato snacks. Getting ready to put that little extra fat on for the winter season, survival of the species and all.

And with that new appetite and metabolism, comes lower blood sugar levels. I thought I was going to fall off of my office chair today, then I realized, it was 2:00 and I had not ate lunch. Not by my decision, there was 5 high priority tickets to take care of. So, I worked through them head spinning and all, then devoured my sandwiches in about 4 to 7 bites. Felt a lot better after that.

First couple of days on the patch, I also had headaches as well. Lack of food causing that? Possibly. Could also be all of those lovely cell receptors getting ready to shut down to 'non-smoking' levels. I'm definitely going to have to stock up on migraine medication once I am off the patches.

My body is not built for heavy labor... lower back problems, inherent bowel problems, hernias run in the family... or as I like to call it 'My body is built for making love, not war.' I do know though that after 3 weeks on the last patch cycle my body stabilized out and I was eating normally.

Dreams are still vivid and bizarre. Great source of stories, in one of them, I'm a ghost hunter. Funny part is, I'm the ghost during prohibition years, running through moonshine breweries and hunting some X-Files type monster. I'll throw the idea into the story jar, not enough backstory to flesh out a full short story, and just flimsy enough to get thrown out anyways.

And then, there is the other things... more realizations for my recovery to 'normal-hood'.

I am an addict, unlike some though, my choice drug is cigarettes. I can have a drink, and set it aside, then not have a single drop for months even years. Kurt Cobain smoked and did heroin, made him less of a musician? Thought he butchered Bowie on the unplugged album, and I you can hear him slurring, think he just got off a heroin nod before recording. I can still do my job even though I have not had one cigarette in 54 days.

I've read in medical journals that nicotine is a harder drug to quit than heroin. And I can believe it, it's a comfortable hazy cloak of lies and deception, it's built on false hopes and a subtle crutch. It infiltrates your being, and replaces your cells reactions... to everything. The pleasure response which is built into our DNA gets turned off, as the nicotine totally overrides it, those parts of your cells shut down, they aren't needed. And that psychologically you begin to replace the normal parts of pleasure that your body can produce, with the nicotine happily soaking your cells. You are brainwashing your responses on a soulful and cellular level.

It is a hazy cloak of lies and deception, it also comes with a lovely blindfold of self denial. You stitch it together with lost moments of padding down your pockets for a lighter, feeling a bit of annoyance when you don't have one with you. The voyeuristic glances to behind the counter, seeing if they have 'your' brand. The cloth of self assured thoughts, 'It helps me relax', 'It gives me time to think', and 'I like it'. It wraps around you, permeates you, until it controls your behavior. Look at it this way, a dried plant leaf soaked in chemicals, cut up and put into a paper tube is going to determine how you are going to spend five minutes of your life. I'd rather be looking at something beautiful for those five minutes.

Another part of my recovery is that I'm speaking the truth more... maybe that's from trying to dump all the self-lies that I was feeding myself while I was smoking. I know people who are in their 90's who smoke, not one bit of cancer... I can just have one more, I can afford to quit later... they don't have any definitive proof that smoking causes cancer... I can't smoke in public, but millions of cars out there each day are pumping out more toxins in the air than my single cigarette... there was only one statement that subconsciously I was not lying to myself in the last couple of months before my quit started.

I don't like to smoke.

It got to the point, where I recognized that I was feeding the habit and my bodies response to it. I became annoyed because the cig was overruling what I wanted to do. I had to smoke before I could go do those other things.

I began hating the smoking process, but the addiction told me that it was necessary.

So I stopped smoking and used the patch. At that time, it was just 'okay, this is just another quit.' and I'll be back smoking within a month or so... but now, if I truly want to become more than an addict, I'll have to do more.

This week I couldn't stand to be at my desk at first coffee break, so I put jacket and Tilley hat on, and went outside. With all the smokers. I made sure I was not in their path of smoke, as I now can't stand the smell and was joking around with them. Sun was good, was actually warm for once, I wasn't working, it's the middle of the week, all is good... then I caught my hand.

It was reaching into my jacket for my cigarette pack.

I physically was going through the motions.

I almost smacked my hand when I stopped, but I did the smart thing, I took my mind off of actually doing the physical motion and analyzed what the hell I was doing. I came to the realization that by proxy I wanted to be part of the group. All the other apes were throwing rocks, so I went and was going to throw one too. Is wanting to be part of a group more important than my own health? Hell no. I'll try again later and be social with them later on.

This current stage of my quit is just a transition and change, with the onset of fall, there comes a lot of that reflected all around me. The oranges, yellows and browns of the leaves. Neighborhood children who were toddling around in cartoon clad clothing are now sporting acne and awkward prepubescent bodies. I notice there is more grey hair at my temples, there is more lines around my wife's eyes.

It's all about change, water becomes stagnant and not healthy if it does not flow. If I do not take the water of my own life and flow, I will become like a pool of standing water. In order to make the transition from smoker to non-smoker to ex smoker to 'nothing related to smoker or non-smoker', I must change.

This is my last quit, and I'm still here,
Pike

I have not smoked in one month, three weeks, one day, 13 hours, 18 minutes and 7 seconds.
I have not smoked 642 cigarettes, saving $282.77.
I have got an additional 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes of my life saved.

Musing thoughts for a Friday

Random Thought #1 - Pants is singular. To have more than one pair, it's still called pants, not pantii, or pantses. When referring to the legs, it's pant leg. When referring to pockets, it's pants pockets. There is no reference or phrase to describe the zipper, it's not the pants zipper, it's the zipper or fly. Even when they are buttons, it's a button fly. Perhaps I should be wearing a kilt.You know what's worn under a kilt? Nothing.

Nothings worn, it's all in good working condition.



Random Thought #2 - I've had a song stuck in my head for the past couple of days. In my head, I hear ' One for the ro-oh-oh-oad.' So that's what I've been looking for... do you know how many songs have that in their lyrics? I knew it was from the 70's but couldn't put my finger on it, sounded so generically 70's that no one part of what I had stuck in my head was identifying the artist. So, do a search with it in for chorus... sure enough.... Boz Scaggs - Lido Shuffle.

Lido, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh....He said, "one more job oughta get it""One last shot, we quit it""One more for the road"

Is this another sign of getting older? Definitely have to regularly taking my gingko biloba. My brain maybe a gun, and my words are bullets, but it really doesn't help if the gun gets rusty.


Random Thought #3 - I miss drive in theaters.


Random Thought #4 - Found this on a site, Billy Connoly (master humorist) had this handed to him as well, I've altered it a bit, but one day this will be on my business card. I may change the header in my blog to read the following.
Seeker Of The Peace. Part Time Chandelier Cleaner. A Legend In His Own Time. Oppressor Of Champions. Soldier of Fortune. World Traveller. All Round Good Guy. Progressive Time Traveller. International Lover. Casual Hero. Philosopher. Wars Fought, Bears Wrestled, Equations Solved, Virgins Enlightened, Revolutions Quelled, Tigers Castrated, Orgies Organized, Bars Quaffed Dry, Governments Overrun, Test Rockets Flown, Wives Tamed. Part time member of the Liquitarian Society of Saskatoon. (For proof of any of the listed abilities, please send 10 dollars to my paypal account, you may not get the proof, but I could use the money.) Life is a waste of time.
Time is a waste of life.
Get wasted all the time.
And you'll have the time of your life.


Random Thought #5 - Computer social networking... The AS3 network of recovering non-smokers have helped me out a lot, I probably would still be smoking if it wasn't for the fact that they were there. But somehow I got sucked into facebook, found a whole lot of people I have drifted away from. Not on purpose, but it does happen regardless of how much you put ties down. Families drift apart, friends have to move away, intrests change. Scariest part is... I'm seeing people now from my hometown, that I remember were in Kindergarten. Yep, another liver spot just burst out from the back of my hands, and another hair just went grey. How long will facebook last? I don't know, seems that everyone was MySpace'ing it a year ago. Another fad? Maybe... it might end up becoming like ICQ, or Powwow. I miss using Powwow, it was better than ICQ as you could send people sound files, and when you played them on your computer, it would play on theirs. Also had a smaller footprint for memory consumption.Hopefully it will stick around, but in the meantime, I'm up there. And for those people who are wondering were I am...

I'm still here,
Pike

My smober meter reads... One month, two weeks, one day, 6 hours, 12 minutes and 7 seconds. 555 cigarettes not smoked, saving $266.45. Life saved: 1 day, 22 hours, 15 minutes.

Strange things to do on a Tuesday night...

Removing about a pound of lint from the clothes dryer and exhaust hose.

Living in a condo, does not allow for much space. The apartment that myself, wife and kidlet are in, doesn't have a laundry room, so much as... laundry closet. Standard sized dryer and washer have about an away from each other and another 2 inches away from the walls. So in order for me to get to the back of the dryer, I have to pull the dryer out of it's spot, thus dividing the laundry closet into quarters. I have to crawl across the top of the washer, then contort my body so I don't slam my head and/or scrape the top two layers of skin off my face or chest. If I were Jackie Chan, I could do a forward diving flip and land neatly into that spot.

Once I'm back there, it's one of those kind of jobs once you start it, you want to finish it. So got the tools out, and I'm elbow deep into the dryer, like some obscene proctologist digging for remnants of washings past. Hmm... look at the color of that... this feels a little sticky, could that be the final bit of the gobstopper.... This seems to be containing some small fragment of paper, is there a secret code, or perhaps this small blob of ink indicates something on a to do list... like remove lint from the dryer.

So after I got it all out, and coordinated tool retrieval with wife, I managed to vacuum out a small nerf sized ball of lint from the exhaust port.

So with all that lint.... what the hell are my clothes made of? Do the manufacturers include a micro-miniature 'lint' layer that slowly erodes away and produces lint. Does this layer secretely transmit information about what you watch on television to major league baseball? Did that one infamous missing grey sock reach critical mass and explode, providing a constant rate of fibers? Or....checking that small piece of paper, yeah, this is one of those jobs that I've been putting off for a while.

Who knows what lint lies within the hearts of dryers... only the maytag man knows.

I'm still here,
Pike

Musing thoughts

In 40 years... there is going to be a bunch of old ladies with tattoos and nipple rings, listening to Britney Spears on the Golden Oldies radio station... for some reason this makes me giggle and be disturbed at the same time.

Wonder how they are going to mosh pit at the seniors home.

I'm still here,
Pearce

I'm forgetting something...

Daily routines keep a person sane, they give a sense of purpose and direction, it prepares them for the achievements of the day. Little rituals that the high tech tribes prepare for... making sure their mp3 players have a new mix of songs. The suits making sure their blackberries are charged up, and the creases in their pants ready to cut 2 inch glass.. Soccer moms e-mailing the latest recipes to the list of other parents.

The morning rituals can make or break a day, toast burns, alarm clock doesn't go off, phone calls from relatives who think you have the time to chat. They all add up to a bad start to a day. My mornings usually involved me evolving from caveman...grunting and pointing towards the bathroom, cringing and groaning when the water temperature would change from the adjacent neighbours deciding to flush the toilet. Coffee in me, do the morning quick internet browsing to check on the weather forecast, and do the checklist.

My mother calls these the 'Did I's'.

Did I turn the stove off, did I get the drain plug out of the sink, did I start the washer and dryer, did I make sure that the salad dressing get put back into the fridge after getting lunch ready... etc, ad naseaum. I have my wallet, cell phone, mp3 player for those long quiet afternoons at work, lunch packed up, my cheerios for that morning breakfast, backpack has novel in case I have to take the bus home, and my hat. Testicles, spectacles, wallet and watch. Yep, it looks like I'm ready for the day.

When I stopped smoking over a month ago, my habits had to change, those rituals were now disrupted. The weight of my jacket changed, there was no long that comfortable mass that balanced. I tried putting my cell phone in place of where I had my cigarettes, it still feels weird. I did contemplate very briefly about using my old cigarette tin for a portable mp3 player... I filed that thought under not healthy, as having any paraphernalia around would not help my recovery. I have a bag of lighters that keep growing in size. The physical hand to mouth gesture has been replaced, I straighten out my moustache and goatee.

For those of you non-smokers who have never touched a single cigarette, it's exactly like forgetting to put on your watch.

You feel naked.

The physical presence of the things that get us through the day are soothing. It makes sure your world is all in the right place and in order. When those things are removed, it's like an old friend suddenly dying on you. It jars your routines, your rituals, that what was unshakable has broken off and lost. Your perception of the world has been changed, and not by your own decision to change things. And in a way when those small things are lost, you must mourn them in your own ways. And I've never been good with mourning, I prefer to celebrate.

It's a better way to live.

And now with that pack of cigarettes no longer in my jacket, my world has changed. By my own decision to do so. Now I have to remind myself that 'No, I have everything. All is good in the world.' Even though I have reminded myself that I have everything, it still feels like I am forgetting something. And there is a brain fog that comes along with not-smoking, my concentration and focus levels are about the equivalent of a hyperactive 4 year old hopped up on pixie sticks and coca-cola. So I have to push through that fog and remind myself...

All is good in the world of me.

No matter what though, it follows me around all day long, that naked feeling, that I'm forgetting something... did I lock the door at home... did I then it occurs to me.


I'm not wearing any pants.



I'm still here,
Pike


P.S. All of the above is true, except for the pants. Although at one of my former jobs,
we did have a sign above our work bench that read... PANTS ARE NOT AN
OPTION.

My Life as a Geek

This past weekend, I went to an auction sale... you know with an actual auctioneer? This ain't your papa's eBay, you've got to bid fast and smart, as well as keeping a mental note on what you've brought for money. It was a mixed bag of emotions for me, a local internet/gaming cafe had shut it's doors. First there was some excitement as I was hoping to pick up one of their machines, I still have plans for a media center computer. And then again, there was some sadness, it's not always good to see a small business fold up. But on the first week they opened, I gave myself a private bet, they would only be open for 1 year. Well, they were open for 2
years. I recognized several faces from the tech crowd in town, familiar nods and waves, I played against them in LAN tournaments or chatted with them about what was their latest escapades with customers. I picked up a couple of copies of Guild Wars for 10 bucks each, as well as a sweet high back leather office chair for 55 bucks. As for the computers, way out of my price range with what I had set aside. I know I mentioned this in an earlier post, but hindsight is 20/20. The last time I went to an actual auction, I was 10 years old, having fun, not realizing that a farmer was selling his life and work away... not his work, his passion. Anyone who can farm for 30 years and not make a profit any year truly does love what he does.

I first got into how computers work when I was 13, back in school there was the Apple II units. The internet was just a dream concept, as bulliten board systems were still the current standard. I worked on 8088 machine, with 2 five and quarter drives, no hard drive, monochrome CGA video... playing Rogue and other Sierra classics like Space Quest, Police Quest, Leisure Suit Larry. Some of you now are smiling and nodding. Take it several years later, after my stint as a radio announcer (future blog), I got back into computers, doing repairs. I picked up on the tips and tricks of working in DOS, and extended my skills, hacking out FAT tables, fixing Windows 95 on Cyrix processor machines. Step it up a few later years, I became an instructor at a now defunct private computer college. Eager minds wanting to know the secrets from one of the original geeks. I gained my MCSE during that time, only to have the certification expire three months after I completed them. I didn't bother going to the next stage up, as I knew that I couldn't afford it. And any hands on experience I would gain with the new operating system would far outweigh any online test or piece of paper. Computers and video games, one part of my geek life.

Also this weekend, I found a couple of trade paperbacks of Philip K. Dick that have managed to elude my book hunting skills for a couple of years now. I am giddy and have gotten stares in the book store from my squeals when a new John Varley novel comes out. I smile with a contented irish heart for any of Neil Gaiman's works. Jim Butcher's Dresden files is a welcome breath of fresh air and in my opinion is some of the best detective noir out there today... with a healthy dose of magic. Neil Stephenson amazes me with the level of precision and the places his stories push my imagination. Heinlein brings me a bit of nostalgia, read his entire works when I was a teen. Spider Robinson is the only one who can come close to his style of writing. Robert J. Sawyer is one of the best authors out there, bringing back the golden age concepts of sci-fi, what new technology affects todays society. Decent writer? You bet, he has won the Hugo, the Nebula, and the Campbell Memorial award. Just amazing. I do love to read, and get in on average about 500 pages per week. If I miss out on a week, I'll double or triple it up the next week. This is definitely my heroin, and will be harder to give up, (if I ever do) than smoking.

Roleplaying... okay, for some of you, get your minds out of the gutter... I have my 20 sided dice and my wife does not have a french maid outfit...unfortunately. RP'ing is a lot of fun with the right crowd, as relaxing as a good chat session with a bunch of friends over coffee. For an escape from current reality, it's the mental refresher for me. For the old school RP's, Forgotten Realms is a good coming home feel to it. For those of you who want to start out, I've been told Deadlands has been very good, anyone who can learn basic poker can play. Haven't tried it out myself, but it sounds like a lot of fun. Some people say the amount of money put into such games is not worth it. You tell me how much value a smile or a hearty laugh in good company is, and then we can debate about the money.

The small screen, well mine is small. How many guys do you know that would freely admit that? I enjoy a good series, and internally I breathed a sigh of relief once the entire seasons of a show began to come out on DVD. One day I will have a massive screen television with a home theater system, so I can enjoy all of my series I've got on DVD. If I can figure out in the first five minutes what is going to happen, I know the writers have not done their job. My wife hates it when I figure out what's going to happen. Blame it on reading since I was 4 years old, but there are only so many storylines to fall back on. I'll give a new series maybe one or two episodes, and if it doesn't entertain me, I'll go find another series. Fickle? Nope, I just expect a series to follow through what the ad executives hype it up to be. Otherwise, is it false advertising? Wouldn't it be nice to get a refund for really bad television shows? Eye for an eye so to speak would bring television executives sitting through mindless home movies of relatives that have long passed.

I was sceptical at first at Buffy the television series, then after watching the first two episodes, I was hooked. Branded as a Joss Whedon fan, I still get pissed off thinking about Firefly and Fox cancelling the series. Battlestar Galactica is amazing, and I've recommended it to many people who poo-poo'ed any science fiction. They love it, and it brings me a smile when I know they are getting the same kind of joy I've found in it. Heroes is fantastic as well, it's not all about the tights, it's about the people and how they are dealing with what is happening with them. Good guys and bad guys aren't exactly precisely defined by their underwear on the outside
and top hats with long curly moustaches. And if you don't like Doctor Who, well that's okay, because I don't like broccoli.

Movies are a whole other ball of wax that I can get into, will save that for a future blog. Other than that, Kurosawa and Samurai films can talk me into just about anything. Just about.

I love a good story, whether I'm playing it on the computer, tabletop, on the small screen, and on the big screen. Does that make me a geek? I hope so, as the stories we tell and listen to transcend time. I'm just happy to experience them.

I'm still here,
Pike

400

I check my meter, then adjust it, as it's not quite right. Something must be wrong with it. I'm looking at the number of cigarettes I would have had... if I still smoked.

400.

That's 16 packs, easy to imagine. But imagine, 400 cigarettes... can you? Or does it become a very large smokey haze? (I don't pardon puns, I send them to the electric chair.)

Unreal. Work this week was easier on me, think I'm recovering a bit better. Must take the time to go book a physical with doctor, and see what else can be done about my hemmoroid problem. I got another co-worker asking... heh, I told him. I got my point across when I told him he didn't want to know, he wanted to know.

I told him.

He said he would never be able to look at me the same way. Me and my descriptions and truth, ain't I a stinker?

So, today... dun dun dun!!! One month, two days. I got up early today, and it payed off, for once. Had breakfast with the family, then I was off to the auction. Left the wife and kid at the in-laws, and I had the car for the day. Yeehaw!

A local shopping mall had a business not renew their lease. It was like an internet cafe, only for gaming. When it first opened up, I figured it wouldn't last a year. Well, it lasted two. Good for them. At the auction site (large warehouse) there was all these church pews... uh oh. I managed to stick it out for several hours. Picked up 2 copies of Guild Wars for 10 bucks each, and a sweet leather highback office chair for 55 bucks. I was tempted to get in on the computers, but they were going way too high... I could have built for half the price they were going at.

Followed that up with a stop at Howies Barber shop, (no more half mullet for me) and a quick browse through 8th Street Comics and Books, got me home. (And if you are anywhere in Western Canada, 8th Street comics and books is the best place to get your comic book needs.)

Decided to pop into the AS3 chat, here's an excerpt, Marvin and I were talking about real estate out east as opposed to where I am.

[Marvin] we walked out of a house in minutes because the owner was there smoking when we walked in ... i was just quit at the time
[Marvin] they lost that sale
[Pike] That would do it. Then again, the smoker wouldn't of understood.
[Marvin] no --
[Marvin] but to remove the stench is a lot of work
[Marvin] glad i quit
[Pike] So am I. What the hell is it with the nicotine, it blinds people from the truth?
[Marvin] it's the ultimate addiction
[Pike] I don't think the addiction has to do with it.
[Marvin] there's no penalty except early death
[Marvin] unlike boozing it
[Pike] :-)
[Marvin] it's a HUGE psychological addiction -- absolutely -- it takes 3 days for the nicotine to leave but weeks for the 'Rebraining' to happen
[Marvin] eat ... uh ... uh ... sigh ... OK ... not going to smoke ... sigh
[Marvin] it's an artificial reward system too
[Marvin] reward yourself with a smoke ... cough!
[Pike] Okay, I dig that. Not during the recovery phase, during while a smoker is smoking. Here's a theory... lowered oxygen levels in blood, pain receptors are turned down way low, your cells are 'drunk', and the perspective gets skewed to look through it.
[Pike] A person in a way gets to be emotionally blind to what is going on around them.
[Marvin] true ... but then you realize you're killing yourself too
[Pike] The smoker doesn't come to this realization unless they want to.
[Marvin] so the 'Pleasure' gets messed up
[Marvin ] true
[Pike] Exactly, the 'pleasure' ends up becoming ignorance.
[Marvin] or denial
[Marvin] never underestimate the power of denial
[Pike] Heh. Denial is just a highly defensive state of ignorance.
[Marvin] George Bush swears by it
[Marvin] he's it's poster child

I don't deny it, I am an addict.

400 cigarettes not smoked

This is madness. This ain't sparta.

This is my last quit and I'm still here,
Pike

P.S. This guys writing is unreal, and as for descriptions, I highly recommend it for the following people.
Doctors
Oncologists
Radiation tech's
Ex-smokers
Smokers
Someone who's life has been affected by cancer, or know someone.

One day I wish I can write as well as he does. Start from his earliest entry, and make sure your heart strings are doubly reinforced.
http://raw-elemental.com

Another quart of oil...

Recently someone posted up, basically an advertisement for this site in the stop smoking newsgroup I'm in. It refers back to http://depressionhelp4u.com/kit.php

Which includes a kit, for you to get if you have mild, medium, or severe depression. As well with a reduced price... like any pessimistic depressive wouldn't see through the site anyways.

Frankly speaking... if you are suffering from any types of depression, go see a doctor.

Allright, so I'm a big old bastard... I'm definitely going to hell for this one.... got a spot in the lava right next to the water cooler that is just out of reaching distance... *cracks knuckles*




"Allright kids, settle down, we've got a lot of work today...."

"What are we building?"

"Okay, everyone have their depression kits?" Looks about the room. "Okay, if you forgot your melancholy, just buddy up and share. Today class, we are going to build..." Turns to the blackboard, white chalk against the green background, the letters D Y S T H M I A. "This is not a form of dyslexic asthma, no it's a very mild form of depression."

"Can we use Morrisey's music to help build this?"

"It's one of the prime ingredients Billy. I've also have Sade compact disks for those who want to build dysthmia for someone who just got out of a long term relationship. Oh yes, and I do have some extra little pegs so the shelves fit right, always seem to loose those."

"Sir?"

"Yes Gertrude?"

"It's Bob sir, my older brother told me that his girlfriend is bi-polar-"

"That means she prefers having sex with both male and female polar bears, now if you look at this chart..."

Communication breakdown - NSFW

Well, after spending a week on my stomach and on my side on the couch (better for me that way with the recovery after surgery) I'm not in too much better shape this week. Monday, got caught up from work, as those who were assigned to do my work did not. One hour into my shift, I got a call from the higher ups to see if I could do some configurations for units that were shipping out Friday. Average time to do a unit, 35 minutes. How many are to be shipped out Friday? 180. I'm not that good at math, but even that doesn't add up. So, waited around till 'guy shows up', did some more of my own work, got rescheduled for training on tuesday.

Tuesday, almost didn't make it till noon, but then rememberd, 'pain killers'! Yes! Coffeed up, had my breakfast on my first break, then popped the pain killers. So I tried to keep myself busy doing little 5 minute jobs, as anything really involved would only be interrupted 'when the guy were to show up.' End of the day, he shows up, goes through one of the configurations, and I'm informed that I'm to do the work on some of the units at the main office building.

Okay, So I'll come by in the morning.

No, I was to wait, until a workstation was prepped for me.

Wednesday 2:00, three hours left in the work day, I get a call. 'Where are you?' I then had to review THEIR instructions that they gave me,and remind them that THEY were going to call me when it was ready for me to go over. As they were getting ansy at the phone calls I made
earlier in the morning...

Apparently I was to sit there and watch the IT guy configure the workstation, like I haven't seen that before. Wednesday just before my shift is ending, phone call from my supervisor, apparently they still need the 180 done up for friday.

GAAAHHHHH!!!!!

So, yesterday it was overtime, with people asking me about the pillows I'm sitting on. I tell them (including the VP of the company) that they really didn't want to know. If they inquired again, I asked them if they were squeamish, could handle CSI and the reality show operations of live open bodies cut open. If they said yes, I told them, that they still don't want to know.

Here's the fun part kids, pay attention now, as the Pike will explain.

I went into great detail about how painful the surgery was, and what I had to go through. High definition does not come close to the words I was using. There was comparisons to the sizes of golfballs and things removed from them the size of blueberries. I also described the facial
expressions of the nurse. And for a nice touch, I sprinkled in the the coppery smell of blood, and the immediate blanket of intestinal gases, juices, and solids.

And that's the Disney version folks.

Needless to say, I managed to make a couple of people white in the face, and I knew when to ask them again...

"Do you really want to know what exactly happened?"

When the words no came out of their mouth, I then told them, to trust me when I tell them these things.

I was a real asshole and kept on going with the description. Why? If I cannot be taken for my word, I will tell them, in great gory detail. When I tell them these things, it's to hammer down the point that I am good to my word. Anyone who dares defy, challenge, or doubt my word
had better have a damn good reason why. This also comes from some people who are in charge of my paycheck. Will I have a job next week?

I don't care.

I honestly don't care.

The work that I usually do, is not considered to be a team task, therefore not as important. The words 'quality service and products' is in our mission statement, and needless to say, since my little chunk of service gets whittled down or pushed off to the side... I get to talk to pissed off customers. I get to deal with them, not the sales people that sold them the units, and my managers are far too busy dealing with new sales to deal with them.

Fade to this afternoon, one of the coordinators for the sale informed me that we wouldn't make it for month end... something that we agreed on Tuesday, and that they reviewed it with my supervisor. Five minutes later, I get a phone call

Why didn't we get all 180 done up?

I then reviewed for them, when I was informed (Monday morning), when I got the training (tuesday afternoon, last thing before workday end), I then reviewed my instructions with the other supervisor about the workstation, and how much overtime I had done thursday to get as many of the units done as possible.

And then came the words, 180 units still not done? I told them that they should coordinate with the other supervisors to ensure that the initial setup for these situations goes a lot faster and smoother. I also advised them that they should work on their communication skills. I also told them that the 35 minute configuration time is not reliable as network traffic plays a very big role on how quickly the updates get done. I finished off the day, still going full out trying to get
as many of these things done as possible.

Tuesday should prove interesting, as effectively, no one has been covering my responsibilities for 2 weeks. My supervisors kept saying 'your work is driving us nuts, you need to come back'.... I didn't remind them that they were the ones who moved me over to configuration.

Communication, is what it all comes down to. I have tried nice, I have tried pleasant. I have tried indifferent, I have tried ranting. I have put it in writing, I have e-mailed, I have chatted. I want to grab them by the shoulders, then repeatedly shake them until they start recognizing the phrases that come out of my mouth. Now, with my communication mode in full asshole mode, you think they will finally listen to what I have to say? Probably not.

Oh yeah, and one more thing. New research from my doctor... Stress is apparently a factor in my health condition.

Did I want a cigarette?

No.

I wanted all of the cigarettes.

So I grabbed my water bottle, hobbled out of my chair, and took an impromptu break fifteen minutes before the end of my shift. I managed to find some more pain killers, spent ten minutes watching clouds outside, then went back in gathered my stuff up and was preparing to really leave for the day... when my temp supervisor asked where I was, I showed him my patch ... it was on my bicep. Get your minds out of the gutters... you'll be able to surf for your porn after getting to the end of the rant here...

Anyways, he fully understood. But I will remind you all, a half second slight nod does not show a difference in my stress levels or paycheck amount.

I've brought up these situations and explained to the one manager of mine that fully understood. Has anything been done about these things? It's been a year and a half, no changes. So am I going to quit work right away? Nope, still gotta eat, keep a roof over head, pay for the modern equivalent of Tiger Beat for my 12 year old daughter... and in the meantime, I am going to look for another job while maintaining the current one.

Is it going to get easier? Hell yes. Part of my quit strategy, will be the day I drop off my 2 weeks notice to my supervisor. I think I might be nice enough to put it into writing, as opposed to going to his desk and delivering a steaming pile of.... well, I'll just put it in writing.

I'm still here,
Pearce

Three weeks, four days, 15 hours, 7 minutes and 37 seconds. 307
cigarettes not smoked, saving $129.17. Life saved: 1 day, 1 hour, 35
minutes.

Yay, three weeks. I'll celebrate with some sleep tonight, and hopefully something with a noir theme for dreams as opposed to fibonnaci sequences and dramatic chipmunks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw

And yes, I know that it's not a chipmunk but a common prairie dog, or gopher. But as a flatlander hailing from the paris of the prairies, I know exactly what destruction those lil buggers can wrath.

About the same as me without my coffee on a monday morning...

I'm still here,
Pearce

Three weeks, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 6 seconds. 253 cigarettes not smoked, saving $106.53. Life saved: 21 hours, 5 minutes.

Late night, time to get to bed.

Well, the medication is finally working, not feeling so weak, tomorrow I go back to work.

So, the drama continues

Strange dreams and other things

Well, due to my current health, (recovery from hemmoroid surgery... size of golfball, around 16 blueberry sized blood clots removed) I have been sleeping on my left side or my stomach on the couch. I forgot to remove my nicotine patch and ended up with some bizarre dreams.

I was a stagehand for a burlesque show at Madonna's house, then given opportunity to have a few lines for one skit, I changed the line to something that was more comedic. I was then sent off to repair or fix a toilet, then it turned into some weird combination of The Shadow meets reality tv. Who knows what stupidity lies within unrehearsed television, only the subconcious mind knows.

This also may be due to the fact that I left the tv on and this morning had a remote sized imprint on my side.

Like I said, weird. But weird is only a step from what one is normally used to. What lies beyond that corner is a new world, to the brave it is. To those who are stuck in their day to day routine and not with open mind, it's weird. I do have an open mind, but... fixing a toilet at Madonna's house?

Writing stuff, been concentrating on another bit of fan fiction for RPCongress.com, yes I am a geek. I play the MMORPG City of Heroes, and to kick start the writing back up again, I'm collaborating with another player. A current story takes the noir detective and the damsel to India.

And I'll be damned if the synchronicity isn't coming up all over the place. Random searches for computer information has lead me back to sites coming directly out of India. Television ads for corn chips having a setting in India. Those can be easily explained. Folk fest brought me back to the India pavilion, but I never realized that I'd end up meeting an old colleague. But the final bit of the synchronicity that cannot be explained is my mother lending me her DVD, Bride and Prejudice, a bollywood flick.

Off to the doctor this afternoon, hoping to get some sleep before then, but then I have caffeine withdrawl headache starting, so coffee it is.

I'm still here,
Pearce

P.S. I will be randomly attaching my meter flash for my quit.
Two weeks, five days, 2 hours, 5 minutes and 7 seconds. 229 cigarettes not smoked, saving $96.20. Life saved: 19 hours, 5 minutes.

My last quit

My rants from AS3 sound like a good start for the blog, everything else is subject to change.


This is Day 3 on the patch for me, and I'm just a jagged little ray of sunshine, wrapped in razor wire, dipped in hydrochloric acid that woke up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I'm quite sure that I can verbally dissect a politician at ten paces.
My smoke patterns were around 10 to 13 cig's a day, so I started on step 2 on the patch the 14mg. Maybe a too big of a drop, (hmm... see above) but I know the following...
My sleep patterns are totally off now, very brief vivid bizarre dreams (The kind that would make Terry Gilliam jump back and yell "Weird man!") despite removal of the patch an hour before I go to bed.
Around mid-afternoon, I'm yawning like crazy, must be a sign that my body is needing more oxygen or is using more oxygen. I have more energy now, don't know if that's from the nervous anxiety from breaking the habit... or the different levels of nicotine.
I'm craving sweet stuff now... more of my body trying to stabilize blood sugar levels?
I'm sneezing more often now, although I've had sinus problems before I started smoking. (AKA reconstructive surgery, replacement of cartilage in nose)
Minor little aches and pains that I associate with not enough stretching and too much desk work seem to be amplified.
I've also noted that my wife was not prepared to deal with my quitting, she's going to be a saint by the time I'm ready to drop nicotine altogether... hopefully that saintly thing keeps going when the libido phase comes around. (By the way, I've noticed that being mentioned several times, is there an actual time when the libido phase kicks in?)
My hunger levels have increased a bit, my morning breakfast consisted of (past tense) coffee and a cig. But even when I wasn't smoking, I really couldn't eat first thing after I woke up, I'd feel bloated and sick all day if I did... So now I'm getting hungry around 10am, as opposed to 11am.
Anyways, enough of my observations for now...
I'm still here, Pike


Day 4 - After I put on a fresh patch this morning, and a series of events occurred. I managed somehow to not get that craving for the smoke on the way to work, despite traffic. Shortly after I got to work, a ninja like bastard with a Sleepy Bat hit me over the head. Repeatedly. Food and orange juice should be boosting my blood sugar levels, but to no avail. I've never been a morning person though... ever. It is in my strong belief that the early worm should have stayed in bed, that if I need to watch a sunrise, it would be with my wife in bed and it would be the perfect end to an energetic night.
And for some reason, I'm getting the migraine auras very very briefly, for 2 seconds then they fade very quickly. Wondering if some underpaid overworked line worker at the plant slipped in some LSD into the nicotine for the patches. But they aren't preceding my usual other warning signs for migraines, so I'm going to enjoy them. If they get any worse, I'll be hitting the painkillers to head off a potential migraine as usual. Feeling very very sluggish and lethargic, with practically zero motivation. And the smell of cigarettes.. is still ambrosia. I'm contemplating using some entrainment software to counter withdrawl effects, I just need to research it out a bit more, find a good piece of software, and see if I can get it to export sounds to MP3 format for my portable player.

Day 5
I've determined that I used to use a cigarette for punctuation. I would finish something off, then have a cigarette. That is the habit that I am breaking. Just before the start of my quit, I realized that I was smoking for my body, not for what I needed to do. Mentally I found that I was hating myself for smoking, hence the last quit that I am now on. (I think that is my new mantra.)
Yesterday was a fun filled rollercoaster of blood sugar. I drank a liter of orange juice, as I kept feeling like I was going to fall asleep. I feel like I have my apettite when I was a teenager and had the nickname "Remorseless Eating Machine."
Last night, at the local Exhibition Fair (aka rides, midway games, grandstand show) I had conflicting reports from my nose. There were times there that I could smell the cigarette smoke and my body responded in the wrong way to it. The smell was ambrosia, I put the thought aside, distracted myself and then five minutes later, I realized what that stink was and I saw other people nearby smoking.
A real eye opener, but yet at the same time, there is a part of me that does not want to adopt the mental policy that all smokers are junkies. I know it would be easy for me to slip into that mindset to help me through my recovery... but it is a lot easier to fear other people than it is to accept them for who they are. I've always treated people (regardless of station, rank, priviledge, religion or bank account size) as they would treat me and others. I do not have time for bullies as they are using their own fears as a jacket of strength. The regrettable part is that I will use their habits as a reminder of what I once was, and that truly it will only be up to them to stop their own habits.
Wow, that was a little deep. Okay, in other recovery news, lets go to the wife... who is being supportive in all regards. She bought an aromatherapy oil jar from a booth last night, to be kept at bedside when sleeping overnight. There is pine, eucalyptis and spearmint. The lady at the booth said it helped her daughter quit cold turkey, as when she was breathing the stuff overnight, it made the taste of cigarettes unbearable to her. And it reduced her own cravings practically overnight. At that point, I envisioned a snake oil salesman... whitens your teeth, makes your skin and hair silky, powers your sex drive, and gets rid of that stubborn gout and aching smelly feet. She did say that if I do get a really big hankering, I was to take about five to six deep lungfulls through my nose to smell the stuff and the craving should subside.
I was a bit sceptical of it, then again I came to the realization that any method for quitting (short of amputation at the neck) would be good to help me. I was willing to give it a try. Right before I went to bed, I did get another craving, feeling the anxiousness of not having the relaxation, then tried out the five to six lungfuls along with a good helping of Spider Robinson novel. The feeling passed and I went to sleep quite quickly.
As per my usual schedule, I slept in, waking up and stumbling to the bathroom, then I realized once I was halfway done my cup of coffee that my lungs felt great. I now know that I can enjoy coffee products without craving a cigarette. The tastes of food are now sharper now, although the sudden drops in blood sugar do worry me a bit. I am tempted to check in with a doctor, as fears of diabetes (even though it does not run in the family) are cropping up in the back of my mind.
As for these posts, if no one minds, I will continue to do these up in my self reflective mode. Call it what you like, but if I document my quit to all absolute details, I can look back on it with pride, and if tempted by whatever situation comes up in the future, I will be able to look back to these posts and remind myself that I already went through my last quit.
I'm still here,
Pike


Day 7 of quit
I verbally ripped off a coworkers head about an hour ago. Was it called for? No. Did it feel good doing it? No. Did it express my frustrations with an assigned task? Yes. Had I expressed these frustrations before? Yes, on multiple occasions. Is this related to my recovery? Probably, maybe, maybe not. Almost came down with a migraine last night, caught it in time though, in-laws sniping didn't help the situation either.
And as this is day 7, first week done of patch, I should be celebrating... but my current mood is this...
I could cheerfully grab the next person who criticizes my actions, apply ten thousand shallow cuts with a rusty razors, apply a liberal bath of salt and jalapeno juice. Then for fun, set their genitals on fire, and force them into a cage with gorillas and rabid badgers who have been hopped up on steroids, crystal meth, and spanish fly. All the while listening to Michael Bolton moaning on an infinite loop audio feed.
That would be a good start.
As from the immortal words of Joss Whedon, 'This is my Gandhi impersonation.' Splat. 'Gandhi?' 'Yeah, he was pissed off too'. (You get a geek point if you know exactly what series that was from)
The habit kept me from dealing with these things, I could use it to escape the stress. The crutch kept me from actually dealing with these situations. Work stress, money stress, traffic stress, general life stress. It was a reactive response to stress to smoke, and now I realize that recovery is an ongoing proactive action. Until my reactions for dealing with these stresses become manageable, I will still be in recovery. And that does not matter if I have a nicotine patch on or not. There is no plausible escape from these any of the stressful situations, only my reactions to them.
However... the next person who tells me what I should do, (unless I've directly asked them) will get their hair parted by my lecture on the difference between what Should and Could is! And will I apologize for verbally ranting at them? Possibly. At the top of my lungs while a group of people hold me down.
This is my last quit.
I'm still here, Pike
One week, 1 hour, 41 minutes and 10 seconds. 84 cigarettes not smoked, saving $35.63. Life saved: 7 hours, 0 minutes.

Day 10 of quit
A lump underneath furs stirs, a leaden weighed hand finds the snooze button to smack the annoying insect like buzzing, a second lump moves disturbing the first lump.
The one lump is annoyed but moves out of the warm comfort to stand under hot water, scrubbing, scrubbing, sneezing, then scrubbing some more. The now clean lump hears the other lump and recognizes it as his mate. Putting coverings over skin, grabbing the hot water that has been filtered through crushed beans, he remembers to grab what was not eaten from last nights feast so he may eat at mid-day.
The caveman, known as Pike, leaves his cave.
Yes, I am very tired, can't stop yawning. It's as if gravitonium has been fused to every atom of my body. Every movement seems to be hampered, and the energy levels that I enjoyed prior to today are gone like a harsh ex-lover. (Or money out of my bank account.) I could easily make Rip Van Winkle look like he just took a casual nap.
I can see how the despair sets in at this point, the body is sluggish affecting mood and responses. Any kind of anxiety only seems to increase the sluggies and lessen energy levels. I was hoping that my increased energy levels were going to keep this way through my entire recovery... either that or I hit the wall and my body has already adjusted to the lower levels of nicotine from the patch. I have doubts about switching to the next step down, possibly not until I've been totally addicted to the patch, which is better than smoking anyday.
The aromatherapy oil has definitely helps a lot. I forgot the other night to take the lid off of it, lungs felt a bit sore all morning yesterday. That lid will come off every night, even though I've gotten used to the smell already. Did some research on that as well. Apparently even people that have had too much damage to their nasal passages, who cannot smell at all, receive the same benefit from the aromatherapy... chalk it up to trace elements in the air that they are breathing at the cellular level I guess. Or their bodies remember the response in the same environment of the smell, even though the nerves are no longer working in their noses.
Oh yeah, and the new ways to distract myself include the following. Audio books and walking, must get more from the library and see if I can get any of the Big Finish productions with Doctor Who. Or Douglas Adams, that would be good. Building a wish list for things that I will buy with the extra money, once it actually shows up in my bank account. I'll have to include my own recovery amount into the signature, cause the amount I've 'saved' is not true, as that money went towards patches... Playing around with entrainment software, think of it as biofeedback for your brain. Nice stuff, still haven't found a program that is free for me to export to mp3.
And if you can't tell, I can't stick to one subject for too long, the brain fog has got me. I have fears that I will get OCD from doing things to distract myself from the cravings. I also fear that the recovery process will never end, and that would confirm my own fear and suspicions that I am an addict.
Or perhaps I had OCD on cigarettes psychologically wise... Too deep a thought for sluggish body and brain.
Tonight I am off to Folkfest, eating foreign food, watching dancing, hopefully finding a kilt from the clan I was decended from, and genuinely enjoying the evening. This weekend, I hope to watch 'What the Bleep!' again, to stimulate those lazy neurons in my brain.
Ugh, caveman still here, Pike (Insert stick figure standing above mammoth painted in squished berries on cave wall here)


Day 14 of quit
The caveman got hauled out to do shopping on the weekend. Went immediately to the multivitamins and grabbed a big honkin' bottle, also grabbed some gingko biloba (Sp?) and surprisingly the brain fog has cleared up a little. And the general weariness is not so bad now, it's tolerable to the point where I can function normally. Well, as normal as I ever get...
What was strange on the weekend was after sleeping in, I got my coffee, planted my butt in front of the computer and it was only after 3 hours did I realize... I didn't put the patch on, hence why I was getting irritated at the news items I was reading. Slapped on the patch, and all was well again.
The craving for the punctuation cigarette came back later that night with a vengeance, got rid of it by starting my backups of information off my computer. Strange thing, usually when I keep myself busy when those cravings come up, they fade. This time, it didn't... didn't sleep well that night either. Ended up finding a free MMORPG, getting annoyed with it, then went to read. Only found some calm at 3 AM, drinking a beer, watching the lightning, sitting on the balcony, having stray thoughts about how the neighbours must think I'm nuts, then not caring what they think. I still have that little hovering presence of weight and stress across my shoulders, it's annoying, like a mild sunburn, just lightly pinked up, but not lobster red.
Even though I didn't crave the patch after I first got up, would putting it on at a later time throw off my levels? Probably, but to last that long? Even till today, just that slightly on edge feeling, doesn't help out. Which brings me to thoughts of the future for recovery... how will finally getting off the patches be for me? You'll probably see me on tv and/or youtube, "Man on rooftop throwing flaming bags of monkey poo, arrested, given pants. News and film at 6."
Well it goes no matter of my state of pants, it's yawn city for me this morning, even with the new regimen of vitamins and ginkgo. I can concentrate on what I'm focusing on, now it's just a matter of getting the motivation. I'll chalk it up to being Monday though...
Brain fog lifting, getting close to lunch, and I realize this... My brain is a weapon, my words are an army.
I'm still here, Pike
Two weeks, 1 hour, 56 minutes and 56 seconds. 168 cigarettes not smoked, saving $70.97. Life saved: 14 hours, 0 minutes.





Which brings me to this point of my quit. Why blog it? Why not. Maybe chronicling my own recovery process will help others. I can only hope.

The fine folks at alt.support.stop-smoking have helped me out so far, and their FAQ is more than any doctor has told me about smoking so far. And for those who are contemplating their own 'last quit' remember, you are doing this for yourself, and no one else.


Tilly on head, drink in hand, I salute you,
Pearce